Getting to the Bottom of Things
by Lindsi loolabell
Summary: After taking a tumble, Emmett has a really strange dream...at least he hopes it's a dream. My entry for the Count down to April fools. M rating, some OOC, cannon pairings...sort of.


**My Entry for the Countdown to April fool's Day – What An Irishific Day!**

**Pen name: lindsiloolabell**

**Rated M**

**Pairing: Emmett and Rosalie**

**Title: Getting to the 'Bottom' of Things.**

A/N, Okay, so I know the title is SHIT but I couldn't think of anything else, having exhausted my brain with writing this lil one shot. Anyway, hopefully it'll make you chuckle...maybe...I did say hopefully right? So give it a go, hate it if you must but please take the time to review and show some love. Thank you so much to Breath of Twilight, my Beta, and friend XD loves you woman.

**Emmett's POV.**

"I don't think you've done any permanent damage and everything should heal up nicely. You said you hit your head, too?" Dr Cullen asked, and I nodded my silent reply while flushing scarlet. He did a routine check of my eyes and felt my head where I indicated to the newly formed bump, then asked me a string of questions. "Well...You don't seem to be presenting with any symptoms of concussion...but you never know, it may develop later on, so I'll have the nurse give you a pamphlet of things to look out for along with some pain med's, okay?" My best friend's dad smirked at me as I lay on my stomach on a trolley in the ER.

"Yeah, great. Thanks Mr. C," I grumbled as he nodded to the blonde in the corner to go fill his request.

She disappeared out of the room with him, and I couldn't pull my eyes away from her perfectly round ass.

Disorientated or not...I was still a guy, and I definitely would have liked to tap that.

The snicker to my side brought me out of my little fantasy of me, the blond and a tub of Ben and Jerry's -the only other two dudes I would ever share a woman with.

Edward, my fore-mentioned best friend, stood with his hand balled up and rammed into his mouth to keep him from laughing out loud, while my other 'so called' friend, Jasper Hale, found no desire to hide his amusement with the whole situation and clutched his sides in merriment.

"Shut the fuck up, dude, this is all your fault!" I growled at Edward with a chuckle; still able to find some humor in everything.

"My fault? How is this my fault? You were the one that tried hitting on that guy's girlfriend...You should've known better." His guffaw broke and filled the room.

"You were the one that had the bright idea to go out drinking with the Irish...on Paddy's day no less." I shook with laughter and grimaced as pain shot through my right buttock; therefore reminding me of the many wooden splinters that were lodged painfully beneath my skin.

The fight that Edward had referred to started after I smiled and used some cheesy, corn-dog, pick up line on a buxom red head, while residing over at McKinley's Irish bar for the night.

Apparently her 'overbearing' boyfriend didn't like a little healthy competition and glared me down.

I was always up for a challenge.

When I didn't move, and she giggled at my attempts at flirting, he snapped and punched me clean in the face. I rubbed my jaw and chuckled before returning the gesture. His friends were quick to try and join the party and all hell broke loose. Edward and Jasper appeared out of nowhere and started to pick off the loutish brutes trying to grab me -if there was one thing me and my friends hated, it was an unfair fight, one on one...none of this 'five guys to hold one, while their buddy beat him to a pulp' shit.

It was like a dog pile in the end, everyone jumping on everyone else and fists flying wildly around, trying to connect with anything they could. The landlord started to holler over the raucous and hammered on the bell that usually called time. I'd pulled away and looked in his direction.

Something told me we were never going to be allowed back through those doors again.

Just as I had been about to call over to Edward and Jasper, an unknown blow struck me from the side and I tumbled over a broken stool; effectively impaled my ass with a shit load of thick splinters and shards of oak. Pain seared through my body as I landed with a thud on the ground. My head connected with the floor and all of my lights went out.

When I came to, the bar was nigh on empty, apart from a few regular old folk that sat in the corner, seemingly oblivious to the fight that had broken out. They looked as though nothing had happened and continued to look down at the dominos, and pints of Guinness, set out on the table in front of them.

"Look who decided to rejoin the party," Jasper snickered as I'd tried to focus my eyes.

I looked the pair over and noted they hardly had a scratch on them.

Typical.

It was decided not long after that I may be requiring medical attention seeing as the seat of my pants was soaked through with blood and I was dragged to the ER, where I was stripped of my clothes -as well as my dignity- and shoved into a ghastly hospital gown, with no back. I'd been laid out on my stomach with a cold breeze blowing over my family jewels for an hour before the Doc finally came in to tend to me; and imagine my embarrassment when it turned out to be a man I'd revered for many years.

Edward's dad was an amazing guy and a great dad...the complete opposite from the dead beat that claimed to have inseminated my mother, but that was a different story altogether.

The beautiful blonde had joined him during his assessment of my injuries and scribbled down his instructions with care and dedication; offering me a sweet sympathetic smile before leaving to get the supplies ready. When she came back in, she maneuvered around the idiocy twins and set about extricating the wooden shavings from beneath my delicate skin with tweezers and some iodine -that stung like a bitch. She worked meticulously and with precision to remove the foreign pieces from me without causing me unnecessary pain and was done quicker than I thought would be possible. She handed me the reading material about concussions and a box of pills.

"Take two of these four times a day, with food, but make sure not to take more than eight in a twenty four hour period, okay?" She smiled sweetly and told me I could get dressed and leave when I was ready.

"Thank you..." I left my sentence hanging with the hope she'd fill in the blank.

"Rosalie," she replied and playfully slapped my good ass cheek before leaving me with my friends.

"Thank you..." Jasper mimicked, holding his hand out to Edward.

"Rosalie," he pealed, while batting his eyelids and clasping his hands together with a theatrical sigh.

"You're both a pain in the ass you know that?" I grouched without thinking.

"Nope...This..." Edward's hand connected with my sore booty. "...is a true pain in the ass my friend." They both fell over themselves laughing at my expense as I howled in pain.

"Bastards!"

Edward and Jasper had made it their mission to make me the 'butt' of all their ass jokes as they helped me home and up to my apartment. I could see the funny side, and even though I was in agony, I chuckled at some of the shit they were spouting; knowing if the shoe was on the other 'butt' I would have been the one dishing out the unrelenting wise cracks.

"That nurse was hot," Jasper commented as he rummaged through my refrigerator for something edible, seeing as my impromptus trip to the medical centre had meant we hadn't gotten around to our usual pizza at the end of the night.

I couldn't agree more and nodded to him while struggling to get changed for bed.

"Yup," Edward answered, noticing my dilemma, he grabbed my pajama pants to put on the bed beside me. "My dad speaks highly of her. He says she does the work of four nurses sometimes; always picking up the slack when needed, pulling doubles and shit...Here Em, let me help."

I gave him a weirded out look before he reminded me he'd already been forced to witness my junk at the hospital.

Once I was set up and had everything to hand they left me be with the promise of coming to tease my 'ass' some more the following day.

Once I'd listened for the door to close I grabbed the two pills Jasper had put by my bed and the glass of water Edward had brought and swallowed down my med's; then turned onto my stomach with the intention of giving my pillow head for the rest of the night.

* * *

My lovely dream of the beautiful, golden haired, nurse Rosalie, tending to more of my 'needs' was rudely interrupted by some inconsiderate prick jumping up and down on top of me -and not in the way I liked. I groaned and yanked the pillow from under me, covering my head with it.

"Wake up!"

Someone was shaking me.

"Wake up, you cad."

"No!" I mumbled still half asleep and not addressing the fact someone had apparently broken into my apartment and could be stealing my belongings.

I dismissed the thoughts after using my limited sleep deprived logic to come to the conclusion that if they were indeed robbing me blind, then they wouldn't be jumping up and down on my fucking bed!

"Wake...the...feck...up, for gad's sake!" An angry, squeaky little voice yelled at me while grabbing my shirt and shaking me vigorously.

"What?" I growled and finally opened my eyes to the strangest sight ever as they finally focused.

There, finally coming to a standstill, straddling either side of my legs, was my best friend... but shorter...and squeakier...and fucking talking with an Irish accent.

"Edward? Dude? What are you...?" I rubbed my eyes to clear my view, thinking I couldn't really be seeing what was in front of me.

Because what was in front of me was a miniature version of Edward Cullen, clad in an emerald green suit, the trousers stopped short just passed his nobly knees, with long pulled up, white socks and the jacket looked to be ready to pop open due to his portly little belly. Atop his head sat a matching hat trimmed with yellow and upon his feet sat a pair of pointy black shoes with a huge golden buckle.

"Edward? Who the feck is Edward?" The little dude quirked an eyebrow at me.

"That's not funny man. I'm too tired for this shit so...'feck'off; I'm going back to sleep." I punched my pillow back into shape and closed my eyes.

"I don't know no Edward...Listen, what didcha do with it?"

"Go away!" I swiftly shot out my hand and sent the little pixie-like person flying across the room with an 'eeeeeep'.

He hit the wall with a thud and slid to the floor, grumbling something about me being a 'son of a bitch' before running and jumping back up on my bed, launching himself at me, with his fists flying.

"What the fuck...? Edward!" I blanched as a little fist hit me clean in the eye.

"Where is it ya feckin' thief?" He pummeled his hands with such speed that they blurred in front of me.

"I mean it, Cullen, cut it out!" I growled in frustration.

He didn't stop and tried grabbing my ears instead.

"That's it!" I grabbed the back of his emerald green breeches and dangled him in the air. He flailed fruitlessly in my grasp; his hands flying and his legs wriggling.

"Ya feckin' brute...let me be!" he screeched.

The little shit stomped his foot into my junk, and I dropped him to cradle my balls as a searing pain shot through my groin.

He started his assault on me again. My hand shot out and pushed against his head as he continued to violently kick and punch.

"Okay, I think I may have hit my head harder than I thought," I mumbled.

"I'll give ya a knock on the feckin' head!"

"Stop, stop, STOP!" I yelled as he finally started to tire.

He slumped down onto the comforter beside me, panting like a maniac.

"Look, just tell me what ya did with it and I'll leave ya the feck alone." He stuck his hand out at me as if he wanted me to give him something.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" My brow creased in serious confusion.

"Me pot 'o' gold...What did ya do with it! I saw ya stealin' it in the pub...so where...the feck...IS IT?" he growled as his face turned a fetching shade of purple.

"Pot 'o' gold?...Are you accusing me of stealing your fucking wallet or something, Cullen? 'Cos that shit's not even funny." I found myself getting angry at the thought that my best friend would think me as little more than a common thief.

He palmed his face.

"For the love of Mary, Joseph and the sweet baby Jesus! I don't know any Edward or any Cullen for that matter!" He shook his head in exasperation.

"You look like Edward." I added petulantly "Just shorter...and crabbier."

"Well whoever he is...I'm not him. My name is Emrys and I'm a leprechaun!" he protested, "Can we just get back to the matter at hand?"

"Sure...I didn't steal anything...no wallet...no pot of gold...goodnight." I smiled smugly and turned onto my side with every intention of going back to sleep.

"I know ya took it...and I'm not leavin' till ya give it back."

"Then you better go sleep on the couch...the beds mine." I shoved him off the edge of the bed with my foot and snuggled into my pillow.

"Sure, Sure. I'll go sleep on the couch," he chuckled and disappeared out of the room.

No sooner had my eyes drooped closed and sleep promised to envelope me, the most God awful noise ricochet around the apartment; I sat up and winced as I put undue pressure on my sore hiney.

"What the fuck?" I covered my ears and swung my legs out of the bed, determined to find the source of the racket and eliminate it.

I rubbed my eyes and made my way over the door; pulled it open and stood there with my mouth agape.

Apparently the little fucker hadn't disappeared like I'd hoped, and was, instead, hoovering up in my living room, with my iPod ear buds rammed into his very pointy ears. I looked at the clock on the wall and groaned; it was only four thirty in the morning. Mrs Mophawittz from downstairs would be up here with a baseball bat, threatening to hit a home run with my head if I didn't put a stop to the noise. I walked over to where he was singing a very out of tune rendition of 'Oh Danny Boy', yanked the buds out of his ears and the hoover out of his hands.

"Hey, you could hurt a fella doin' that," he grumbled and rubbed his over-sized lobes in a soothing manner.

"Did no one tell you that it's rude to make yourself at home when no one has asked you to?" I quizzed as I grew more and more annoyed with his presence here.

"Did no one tell your pants that it's rude to point?" He raised an eyebrow at the tent I was pitching from an overactive imagination and the fresh image of the lovely Rosalie that had been playing around in my mind throughout the night.

I opened my mouth to reply but came up blank.

"Thought so," he chuckled.

"Look, what will it take to make you to just go away?" I begged, dropping to my knees beside him so I could look him in the eye.

"Just give me back what's rightfully mine."

"Urgh! I don't have your pot of gold you little green clothed freak!" My voice and my body grew weary at his insistence. "Don't you think if I did, I would give it back, just to get you to piss off?"

"Maybe...maybe not. You might want to spend it all on cheap liquor and pretty whores for all I knows." His face scrunched up as he gave me the stink eye, as if looking for any flinch in my body language that might catch me in a lie.

I didn't flinch in the slightest.

"Okay, so maybe you're telling the truth...I still don't trust ya," he huffed, twirling the wire to my earphones around my iPod.

He set them on the table before sitting on my moth eaten, beat up, couch and dissolving into tears. The loudest gut wrenching sobs filled the room as he squeaked something about his father being disappointed in him.

_What the fuck?_

I nervously inched towards the couch and patted his shoulder in a 'there, there' gesture. Not knowing what else to do, but needing him to shut the fuck up already.

"He's goin' to kill me," he bawled and pulled a bright yellow handkerchief -that was nearly as big as he was- out from his pocket to blow his nose like a trumpet. "He said I wasn't ready...for the responsibility of it...but I begged him to let me mind it...and now...now...now I've lost it AAAWWWWWWWW!"

I knew all about being a disappointment.

"Shhh, please just...look, maybe I could help you find it." I sighed at the thought, but wanted to shut up the little pain in the ass just as much as I wanted shut of the pain in my actual ass.

"Great, let's go!" he chirped, as all of his apparent tears dried in an instant.

The conniving little fucker.

* * *

"So you're a leprechaun then? I asked as we walked another mile towards down town.

"Yup." I swear he was positively skipping and wearing a huge ass grin plastered on his face.

"Prove it." I licked my lips and eyed him with a sideways glance.

"Why can't no one just trust...why do they always need proof?" As his words ended he disappeared into thin air, only to reappear on my other side. "Was that enough for ya or do you want me to start spoutin' cheesy Irish lines too like 'They're always after me lucky charms'," he huffed.

"They're magically delicious," I added smugly.

"They taste like feckin' cardboard!" He smirked in amusement. "Ya know, ya not all that bad a bit of company."

"Um...Thanks...I think."

* * *

"Did you here this one...An Englishman stops Paddy for directions... 'Excuse me pal, what's the quickest way to Dublin?' Paddy says 'Are ya on foot or in the car?' The Englishman says "In the car." Paddy replies 'That be the quickest then!'."

I chuckled at it, which he seemed to appreciate, but then it egged him on to share his vast mental library of Irish jokes and he wouldn't stop telling them. I wanted to hit my head against a wall repeatedly...maybe then the little shit would go away.

"Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street. Murphy falls in a hole and hurts himself. He calls out, 'Paddy, call me an ambulance'. Paddy starts jumping up and down clapping his hands yelling, 'Murphy's an ambulance, Murphy's an ambulance'....Oh come on, that was funny!" he sighed dramatically.

"Okay, I got one for ya...An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were reading a newspaper article about which nationalities' brains were for sale for transplant purposes. An Irishman's or a Scotsman's brain could be bought for £500 but an Englishman's brain cost £10,000...

"Where did you last have the damn pot of gold?" I asked him, cutting yet another quip short in its tracks.

"If I knew that then it wouldn't be feckin' lost now, would it?" He folded his arms across his chest indignantly.

I growled in frustration.

We'd been walking around aimlessly the past hour and the sun was coming up over the horizon; illuminating the trees in the distance with an eerie orange glow.

"You said you had it in the pub?" I reminded him.

"That I did," he nodded.

"Maybe it's still there?" I offered.

"There's a chance it could be, yes."

"Let's take the train then," I offered as we neared the station; knowing it was the quickest way.

I held out my hand for him to go first and he tipped his hat to me before heading down the stairs to the platform.

I wasn't looking forward to returning to McKinley's. I wasn't sure how I was going to look the landlord, Mikey, in the eyes ever again after the little scuffle that I caused there the night before. I would however undoubtedly offer to pay for all the damages inflicted and offer my humbled apologies, all the while keeping my head lowered in shame, and rightly so.

"What about this one...? Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy 'Im gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad! He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!'. Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home'. So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. 'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman. 'I can't work in the friggin' dark now can I? ' says Murphy." He chuckled and clutched his sides. "Get it...Work in the...never mind."

I really hope we didn't have to wait much longer for a train. I didn't know just how many more bad jokes I could take.

"Well hello, darlin'," he suddenly crooned.

There was no way he was talking to me, right?

I turned and followed his now hungry gaze as a beautiful brunette stood nearby, apparently waiting for the same train as us.

She smiled bashfully and her cheeks flushed scarlet as she looked over my short new 'friend'.

"My name's Emrys...what's yours?" He took hold of her hand and kissed the back of her knuckles -the smooth bastard.

"Um...Bella." She bit her lip and looked him over.

You have got to be kidding me!

"Well, Bella; such beautiful eyes, I could get lost in them...drown even, and your skin...so fair...I bet you have a little Irish in ya don'tcha?" His eyes roamed over her body as she shook her head, no. "No? Well then would you like some?" He grinned mischievously; his eyes lighting up like bright stars.

Her eyes went wide and her blush grew in intensity.

My hand shot out and clipped him around the ear.

"Hey! What was that for?" he scowled at me and rubbed where I'd hit him.

"You know!" I gave him a pointed look and turned around in time to see the five fifty train pulling in and slowing down; a few carriages passing by before it finally came to a standstill in front of us.

We boarded the train and headed east bound.

* * *

"It's locked up. There's no way we can find out if your gold is in there," I grumbled as he tried the doors to the bar for the fifth time.

"Try looking through the window," he offered, and I turned and pressed my hands to the glass, shielding out the light so I could peer in.

My mind flooded with memories and a shooting pain shot through my butt in confirmation that the incident did, indeed, happen.

"I don't see anything," I declared and turned to face the little green hulk.

He wasn't there so I turned back to look through the window and gasped out loud, clutching my heart in fear as two sparkly, jewel green eyes met me. The little fucker had apparated inside, like some shit out of Harry Potter, and was smiling like a lunatic from the other side of the glass. I growled and scrunched my face up in annoyance as he chuckled and set to looking for his gold.

I sighed and turned around, only to find him back by my side.

"Fuck!" I started; I wasn't sure how much more surprise my heart could take. "Don't do that!" I shook my head at him.

"What...This?" He disappeared and reappeared behind me, tapping me on the shoulder to get my attention.

I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and lifted him to my eye level. His eyes nearly bugged out as he gulped loudly; his hat tipping back on his head at a jaunty angle.

"Yes...That," I stated and dropped him back to the floor; watching as he straightened himself back up and set his hat right.

I didn't catch what he mumbled to himself but caught something about it 'must have been that time of the month'

"Well?" I waited for him to pull out a pot and add a 'ta da' sound effect...But I just wasn't that lucky.

"It's not there." He pulled his lips into a tight line and shook his head in disappointment.

"Where else did you go?" I sighed, letting the thought of what I'd gotten myself into sink in.

We could be at this forever.

"I know I had it at the pub...being as I thought you'd stolen it and all...My bad," he offered as an apology. "I remember pissing myself laughing at ya when you fell over that bloody stool...Laughing even harder when ya passed out, stone cold on the floor. And nearly died from hysteria when I saw ya in that gown at the hospital -I'd be worried about squirrels sneaking into your home at night and trying collecting those up for their winter..."

"Wai...wai...wai...wai...wait," I stopped him and held up a finger for him to be quiet for a second. "Why were you at the hospital?" I was confused.

"Well...The sight of you with splinters in your arse was feckin' priceless. I bet my friend, Seamus, that he'd never seen anything as funny in his entire two hundred years; He said nothing could be that funny. I told him he was wrong and dragged him over to that hospital to see for himself. He nigh on pissed in his breeches too," Emrys giggled at his own version of events from the previous night.

"Is there never going to be an end to my humiliation?" I was speaking more to myself than to him.

"End..." He nodded to my ass. "Being the operative word there big guy," he guffawed.

"Are you sure you don't know Cullen?" I asked skeptically, seeing as that was exactly his brand of humor.

"Never heard of the fella...oh wait, was he one of those handsome young men that you sat with at the pub last night...that accompanied you to the hospital?" He creased his brow in deep thought.

"He's the leaner one of the two," I added.

"With copper hair?" He raised his brow again as I nodded. "Now he was a good lookin' chap!"

"Can we get back to my humiliation and you being at the hospital?" I looked at him incredulously.

"Oh...O'corse. So me and Seamus was there to laugh at your pale arse and got distracted by the prettiest woman you have ever seen in your life...well, she was, until that brunette on the train...I wish I'd thought to get her number..." he digressed.

"Focus!"

"Right! so the blonde nurse distracted us and I put me pot 'o' gold down while I chatted her up...or tried to; She didn't seem very interested...Seemed more taken with one of her patients." He shrugged and looked up at me.

"Yeah she was something huh?" I sighed.

"Had a bit of a weak spot for her did ya?" He wiggled his eyebrows at me suggestively but ducked out of the way when I made to grab him again.

"So it's the hospital next then."

* * *

The doors to the ER opened automatically as we approached them and made haste in entering the building.

I made my way over to the receptionist and waited for her to look up from her computer. After a moment of listening to her fingers tap, excessively hard, over the keys, she finally looked up but just as quickly turned away, passing me a clip board, medical form and a pen through the little window.

"Sit over there and fill this in...bring it back and wait to be called in by a doctor." Her voice was as flat and lifeless as her muddy blonde hair was.

I pushed the board back through the window and she turned to look at me again.

"I don't need a form, I was just wondering if someone had handed in a pot of...never mind." I stopped my question in its tracks...before I could make a complete fool of myself and wound up having someone from the psychiatric department trying to admit me.

I turned and walked over to thorn in my side.

He sighed when I shrugged at him and walked off towards the cubicles where I had been treated the night before.

I looked around nervously as the nurses glared at me as if I were a criminal, loitering and planning a felony. Emrys was searching in the curtained areas, sharing a polite apology for his intrusion of treatment.

"Dude, come on...hurry up!" I scolded in barely more than a rushed whisper.

"I'm goin' as fast as I feckin' can!" he growled back while pushing his way out from behind a garish floral print curtain of fabric. "It's not here!" he grumbled while scratching his head.

"Looking for something?" A familiar voice called from the other side of the emergency room.

I followed the sound and groaned out loud.

"YOU!" Emrys scowled towards the culprit whom was swinging a little black cauldron that seemed to be overflowing with golden coins.

My eyes bugged out at the treasure hanging from the hands of Nurse Rosalie.

"Woah, just hold on one minute, little man!" she balked. "I didn't take it! You left it under one of the beds when you went chasing after Nurse Denali...when you couldn't' get in my pants, remember?

His ears turned red and he shuffled his feet in embarrassment.

"I knew it wouldn't last two minutes without someone swiping it for their selves around here so I hid it in my locker in the hopes you'd come back for it." She walked towards us and handed him his gold.

I big fat fucking tear welled in his eye before it spilled over and splashed to the floor beneath him.

"I...you...me pot 'o' gold...Thankin' ya kindly," he stuttered as he tried to keep himself together.

He took out his ginormous hankie again and blew his nose loudly, causing all heads to turn in our direction. I pulled my lips into a tight smile and wanted the floor to open up and swallow me whole.

I couldn't deny the little guy looked stoked as he took Rosalie's hand and kissed it with an air of grace and reverence.

She giggled before looking up at me and smiling.

"Hi again," she greeted me, "Hows the uh..." She covered the view of her mouth to whisper, "…hiney?" She grinned and bit her lip as I lost myself in her baby blue eyes.

"I...Oh, it's um...sore," I whispered the last word back to her.

"Well, I hope it gets better soon." Her sincerity was genuine and made me ache to touch her.

She turned to return to her work and graced me with the breathtaking view of her smiling at me from over her shoulder.

"Oh, she has it bad for ya, my friend." He nudged the side of my knee -seeing as he couldn't reach my ribs.

I wasn't that lucky to get a girl like her.

"Emmett...earth to Emmett." Emrys jumped up and down to get my attention, when that didn't work, the fucker junk punched me; I dropped to the floor like a bag of stones. "Oh hey, there ya are," he greeted me sarcastically. "So seeing as you've helped me out so much...is there anything I can get for ya?"

"Unless you can get the beautiful Miss Rose to fall in love with me...then no, I'm good thanks." I jested but he held a gleam in his eye.

"In that case I bid you goodbye, young Emmett." He removed his hat and took a theatrical bow, then disappeared into thin air, sharing only a 'cheerio' as he went.

I sighed, actually feeling a little bereft from losing his company.

"Shit!" He suddenly reappeared; startling me in the process and having me clutch my chest for the hundredth time.

"Sorry I couldn't help me'self. Cheer up ya great lump, you're not rid of me that easily ya know. I'm just off to see if I can find that, Bella, girl...I'll be back. You told me I could sleep on ya couch remember." With that, he winked at me and was gone, leaving me with my mouth hanging open like a fool.

"Your still here?" My blonde goddess peeked back around the corner and smiled at me.

I turned to gaze at her and nearly came in my pants when she wiggled her finger at me seductively to follow her. I gulped and walked towards her. Once I was within her reach she grabbed me and pushed me into a small room; locking the door behind her.

The walls were lined with gauze dressings and cotton wool balls, unused syringes and other medical supplies.

"Hi," she purred as she pushed her body against mine; causing the most delicious friction right where I wanted it the most.

"Hi," I managed to mumble back before she pressed her lips to mine.

They were just as soft as I'd imagined...just as plump. Her hands snaked up into my hair and pulled me closer to her as she sighed into my mouth. Our tongues sought each other out and languidly danced, in no rush to dominate. My hands roamed her taut frame and reveled in the feeling of her ass in my hands. She pushed me backwards towards a shelf, and I yelped in pain as my butt hit the frame of the metal shelving unit.

"Sorry!" She bit her lip and smiled before reaching for my zipper. "Let me see if I can make that feel better for you...or at the very least, take your mind off the pain."

She worked my pants and boxers down my legs and lowered herself to her knees. She took me in her grasped palms and worked me with long, fluid strokes; eliciting a well deserved groan of appreciation from me in the process. Seconds later she hand me enveloped in her hot little mouth. My hips jerked forward at the sensations she invoked in me as she moved her wet lips and tongue around me. The friction was divine and I wasn't sure how long I would be able to hold out if she carried on at her current pace. I hooked my hands under her arms and pulled her back up to my level, turning her around and pushing her into the shelf instead -being careful not to be a prick and hurt her back. My hand found its way under her green scrubs top; locating her covered breasts and palming them with gentle pressure. Her hand cupped mine and she added to the force of which I massaged her. I marveled at the feeling of her nipple ripening beneath my hand. I left the comfort of the gentle mound of her breast and let my hand fall south. Her breath hitched as I ran my fingers over the seam of her pants and her body quivered against me. I smirked at my effect on her and immediately pushed my hand into the waist band of her scrubs. The fabric of her panties was soaked with her excitement, and the feel of it against my fingers made me hungry for more. I pushed the fabric to the side and ran my fingertips against her heat. She moaned and writhed as I slid in between her folds, spreading her arousal around. My fingers took on a life of their own and probed into her depths; shrouding them in a wonderful warmth. She pulled my head to her and kissed me passionately as she allowed me to explore her most intimate parts. I couldn't help but groan, my dick protesting at the lack of attention he was now getting. I played her to perfection and had her moaning out a cacophony of mewling sounds as her orgasm took hold of her body, taking over all of her senses and causing her to quiver and shake upon my hand.

"I...need...in...more," she practically growled and grabbed the front of my shirt to get my attention "...NOW."

She shimmied out of her clothes with speed and helped me out of mine until I was stood in front of her, naked as the day I was born.

She perched herself on the self and used her feet to pull me into the space between her legs. The sight of her, bare, before me was driving me crazy. I wasted no time in impaling myself within her and the secure cradle of her thighs...soft creamy thighs that hugged me to her, allowing me just enough freedom to push and pull her all the way to a blissful release. My hips moved back and forth as gently as I could -even though I wanted nothing more than to slam into her repeatedly. After a short while she begged me to fuck her hard, and I nearly fell apart right then and there. My pace increased and her moans of approval grew in volume before all mingling together into one long cry of pleasure. Her body convulsed around me and sent me sailing over the edge along with her. I growled as I filled her with my own release. Only then did the realization that we weren't using protection cross my mind and made me feel like a complete prick.

She chuckled to herself at the look on my face -obviously understanding the look of horror on my face- and informed me she had that side of things taken care of. She didn't seem like the irresponsible type...or the kind of girl to sleep around so I took her word in the matter and heaved a sigh of relief.

"Can I see you again?" I asked as we dressed.

"Would you like to?" she asked with hope filling her eyes.

"More than anything."

* * *

I made my way home with the biggest, goofiest grin sat on my face at the fact I had her number and her email, and her cell number, and her mother's number, That girl really did like me and wanted to see me again.

She'd even offered to come over sometime to make sure my war wounds were healing okay; an offer I wouldn't turn down for all the pot 'o' golds in the world.

I sighed as I closed my apartment door, smiled as I got ready for bed -even though it was the middle of the day- and chuckled to myself as I sidled in under the covers. I couldn't even find it in me to be annoyed at the 'jolly green midget' that had been the bane of my day as I let my eyes close and sleep overtoke me.

* * *

I finally opened my eyes to the early evening and chuckled at the most ridiculous dream I had ever had.

A leprechaun that looked like Edward and a pot of gold? Could it have been any more absurd?

I shook my head at my own imagination and fell back onto the bed, wincing as a fire raged in my ass.

"Feckin' leprechaun!" I grumbled to myself as I closed my eyes again.

"Top 'o' the mornin' to ya...Or should that be the afternoon." My eyes flew open and my body shot up into a sitting position as I looked towards my bedroom door.

This was not fucking happening.

"Stop me if you've heard this one...Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spread eagled and says "You know what I want don't you?"

"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole friggin' bed by the looks of things!" he snickered.

"Emrys...I'm getting cold and lonely in here all by myself." A sweet, angelic voice called in a playful manner from my living room.

"No feckin' way!" I looked at him incredulously as he turned and grinned wickedly at me.

"Told ya she wanted a little Irish in her! I'll be right there me sweet, Isabella." With that he snickered and turned on his heel, leaving me with a tip of his hat.

* * *

A/N Well, there you have it...how was it for you? good bad, a 'pain in the arse' to read? let us know by clicking on the little box just below


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